the calm before the storm.

i get to the point where i wanna throw it all away. but it would be my fault or theres always an excuse. how can we grow if im the only one moving in the right direction. you'll move forward but then you build a bigger ditch than you just dug yourself out of...the easily forgive never learn the lesson at hand. I was the party goer, I was the drinker, but now im the one sitting up at 11 on a friday night writing a blog. i dont know how to deal...i try really hard to make you happy...but i dont know anymore..i feel like im losing the strength i use to have...my happiness is no longer a priority of anybodies..i havent genuinely been excited about anything in forever & that isnt just your fault because i know happiness starts within...all my time & my efforts have been thrown away..no longer appreciated for the generosity of my heart...ive cried the last three days as i sit in front of you & you refuse to see these tears......im losing my desire...but you're also losing yours...to be a better man....the one i deserve...or maybe this is as good as it gets.......then the rain falls.