the calm before the storm.

i get to the point where i wanna throw it all away. but it would be my fault or theres always an excuse. how can we grow if im the only one moving in the right direction. you'll move forward but then you build a bigger ditch than you just dug yourself out of...the easily forgive never learn the lesson at hand. I was the party goer, I was the drinker, but now im the one sitting up at 11 on a friday night writing a blog. i dont know how to deal...i try really hard to make you happy...but i dont know anymore..i feel like im losing the strength i use to have...my happiness is no longer a priority of anybodies..i havent genuinely been excited about anything in forever & that isnt just your fault because i know happiness starts within...all my time & my efforts have been thrown away..no longer appreciated for the generosity of my heart...ive cried the last three days as i sit in front of you & you refuse to see these tears......im losing my desire...but you're also losing yours...to be a better man....the one i deserve...or maybe this is as good as it gets.......then the rain falls.

take me away

We breathe without wondering how...we walk without thinking & we talk without hearing...I spend without limits...I eat without doubt...I dance without worry. & I tend to sing without reason...but if I paid attention to every action from here on out...I would notice the small things that I take for granted today...when something is gone I simply replace it...when things are low we replenish the stock rooms...taking things for granted isn't the way to go..so appreciation for it all..cus one day you may be stripped from it all & then where will you turn...how will you achieve the things that were once a necessity that may not seem as important anymore...I have taken advantage of things because I didn't believe the would be taken away...grab a hold of your life....I don't want to be taken for granted anymore...I would never forgive someone for misusing my kindness...I have been here for him & now its dead...its so dead I can't even cry cus it doesn't even hurt anymore....a good friendship turned sour...& i'll take part of the blame...for wanting what I wanted & not caring what anyone had to say including you...so God did what he believed was best& took me way...take me away from the pain take me away from the hurt take me away from the anger...this is the prayer I prayed a week ago...I asked him to take me away!

this moment

Right here in this very moment...I could cry, I could break down but that's not what's happening...because in this very moment I am free in this very moment I sit humble..& this very moment I am speaking for the first time...this isn't supposed to make sense to you...this is for me..my own personal gain...im finally doing something for me...I spent time worrying about pleasing your heart taking care of your soul...that I turned my back on my own...I neglected it& believed it would heal on its own...I was all for you...but in this very moment im empty...not because of my love lost but because I poured my heart out for it not to be heard...nobody hears my cry...nobody is listening....nobody but God...but baby in this moment im not stuck..im not hurt...in this very moment I am Bree =)