the calm before the storm.

i get to the point where i wanna throw it all away. but it would be my fault or theres always an excuse. how can we grow if im the only one moving in the right direction. you'll move forward but then you build a bigger ditch than you just dug yourself out of...the easily forgive never learn the lesson at hand. I was the party goer, I was the drinker, but now im the one sitting up at 11 on a friday night writing a blog. i dont know how to deal...i try really hard to make you happy...but i dont know anymore..i feel like im losing the strength i use to have...my happiness is no longer a priority of anybodies..i havent genuinely been excited about anything in forever & that isnt just your fault because i know happiness starts within...all my time & my efforts have been thrown away..no longer appreciated for the generosity of my heart...ive cried the last three days as i sit in front of you & you refuse to see these tears......im losing my desire...but you're also losing yours...to be a better man....the one i deserve...or maybe this is as good as it gets.......then the rain falls.

take me away

We breathe without wondering how...we walk without thinking & we talk without hearing...I spend without limits...I eat without doubt...I dance without worry. & I tend to sing without reason...but if I paid attention to every action from here on out...I would notice the small things that I take for granted today...when something is gone I simply replace it...when things are low we replenish the stock rooms...taking things for granted isn't the way to go..so appreciation for it all..cus one day you may be stripped from it all & then where will you turn...how will you achieve the things that were once a necessity that may not seem as important anymore...I have taken advantage of things because I didn't believe the would be taken away...grab a hold of your life....I don't want to be taken for granted anymore...I would never forgive someone for misusing my kindness...I have been here for him & now its dead...its so dead I can't even cry cus it doesn't even hurt anymore....a good friendship turned sour...& i'll take part of the blame...for wanting what I wanted & not caring what anyone had to say including you...so God did what he believed was best& took me way...take me away from the pain take me away from the hurt take me away from the anger...this is the prayer I prayed a week ago...I asked him to take me away!

this moment

Right here in this very moment...I could cry, I could break down but that's not what's happening...because in this very moment I am free in this very moment I sit humble..& this very moment I am speaking for the first time...this isn't supposed to make sense to you...this is for me..my own personal gain...im finally doing something for me...I spent time worrying about pleasing your heart taking care of your soul...that I turned my back on my own...I neglected it& believed it would heal on its own...I was all for you...but in this very moment im empty...not because of my love lost but because I poured my heart out for it not to be heard...nobody hears my cry...nobody is listening....nobody but God...but baby in this moment im not stuck..im not hurt...in this very moment I am Bree =)

restriction

everything in life has its limits...
we walk these roads until we come to that gap in the bridge...sometimes its not worth the jump because your not ready to drown....I don't remember that part in us...but I see the water at eye level now...Who will restrict me from going any further...who shall be the one to hold me back from all the pain...Why am i lost with nothing to gain...and i can cry & cry & cry but a damn thing wont change...my love has its limits....thats not up to me...this relationship was never destined to be...there's doubt all thru it & nothing you do is true to it...so im leaving....my heart behind..take it with you cause its no longer mine...i cant control the way it acts; i cant even think on getting you back....my heart doesnt listen to what i have to say because when we started loving you baby my heart strayed away...my heart has stopped beating for me...everything my hearts say my body has to do...i stopped thinking with my head a while ago & maybe thats where I went wrong...im so lost in this love i no longer live....i sit & think all day & night but when I fall asleep its my dreams that I fight...i never rest because I cant stop thinking..I cant stop believing..I cant stop loving you...Now tell me what are you restrictions?

I cant

I can't feel it anymore
I can't hear you either
I can't feel you in my heart
I can't find you in my thoughts
All feelings are set aside
because my heart is on the line..
Lose track of what matters; lose hope because of our past. I won't be brought down by what we once had. I try to stay focused but I wonder in thought; where would we be if we never had a start.
My heart stops beating my palms start to sweat I cant see straight all i feel is regret. I'm losing all senses because its passion in my heart. I would have never made that step if i knew we would part. my eyes burn as the tears fall; this story will never be finished because we will never end.............

nights

i wonder if he really noticed; i wonder if he cares...
I run in the night because of horrible memories.
i wanna stay away from the terrible dreams.
he remembers everything; & pays attention to every detail
he ask me why my eyes water up but i wont let the tears fall
he's far deeper than anyone would ever know.
so much knowledge inside & very intellectual.
i would only wish the best for him...
i try to go out my way & surprise him with the things he
cant afford...its only money & i cant take it out this world.
But we end it here cause it could never be more...smh;
the story of my life........it ends here

Blank Stare

Im waitin for a chance to get my word in..
i feel like thats always the case. But maybe i should be
learning from this. Maybe this is a time for me to ignore the ignorance that I DID NOT cause..because i knew we were fine. Im just gonna keep my mouth closed on it. i cant say i dont care cause i do. this is open for everyone to see, comment; so anyone can say what they please. but its not gonna change anything. so talk all you want....the things i live by will not be changed by someones opinion. & i know karma is a bitxh...you cant be happy if all your doing is bringing others pain..it doesnt add up.